🤝 How to Tell Someone You're Not Okay: A Guide for Kids

Something is wrong and you haven't told anyone. Maybe you don't know how to start. Maybe you tried and it came out wrong. Maybe you're worried about what happens next.

Here's the most important thing on this page:

You don't have to say it well. You just have to say it.

Nobody is grading this.

Ways to start

Pick whichever one sounds most like you. You can read it off a screen if that's easier.

"Can I talk to you about something? I don't really know how to say it."

"Something's wrong and I don't know how to explain it."

"I've been feeling really rubbish lately."

"Can I tell you something? I'm scared you'll be angry."

"I need help with something and I don't want to talk about it out loud."

That last one matters. You don't have to say it out loud at all. You can:

• Write it on a piece of paper and hand it over
• Send a text, even from the next room
• Say "read this" and show them a message you already typed
• Point at something on a page

All of those count. All of those are asking for help.

Choosing who to tell

Think of three people, not one. That way if the first one is busy or gets it wrong, you've already got a plan.

Good options:

• A parent, or a grandparent, or an aunt or uncle
• A teacher you like — not necessarily your form teacher, just one who seems kind
• The school counsellor. This is literally their job. Every school has one. You can ask at the office to see them, you don't need a reason, and it's free
• A friend's mum or dad
• A coach, or someone from a club
• An older sibling or cousin

Pick people who have been kind to you before. Past kindness is a decent predictor.

If it doesn't go well the first time

This happens, and it's worth knowing about beforehand so it doesn't stop you.

Sometimes a grown-up is distracted. Sometimes they say the wrong thing. Sometimes they don't understand, or they make it about them, or they say "you'll be fine" when you're not.

That doesn't mean you were wrong to tell them. It means they weren't the right person.

So tell someone else. That's not being dramatic and it's not giving up — it's exactly the right thing to do. Keep going until somebody listens properly, because somebody will.

If nobody at home is listening, tell someone at school. If nobody at school is listening, tell someone at home. If neither, use one of the numbers at the bottom of this page — those people are there specifically for this and they always answer.

What if I get in trouble?

If that's what's stopping you, say it first:

"I need to tell you something, but I'm scared I'll be in trouble."

Most of the time you won't be. Grown-ups are usually far more relieved you told them than annoyed about whatever it is.

And this one matters: if something happened to you that wasn't your fault, you have not done anything wrong. Even if you were somewhere you shouldn't have been. Even if you didn't say anything at the time. Even if it's been ages. None of that makes it your fault, and none of that means it's too late to tell.

Things that make it easier

Do it sideways. In the car, on a walk, while washing up, in the dark at bedtime. Not sitting opposite someone looking at you. Loads of people find it much easier when nobody is making eye contact.

Start smaller than the real thing. You can tell a bit of it and see how they react. You don't have to say everything in one go.

Bring someone with you. A friend can come with you to tell a teacher. That's allowed and it's a good idea.

Say what you want. "I don't want you to fix it, I just want you to know." Grown-ups often jump straight to solving, and this stops that.

Pick a time when they're not rushing. Not five minutes before school.

Say it today if any of this is true

Don't wait if:

• Someone is hurting you
• Someone is doing something to you that feels wrong or secret
• You feel unsafe at home or anywhere else
• You've thought about hurting yourself
• You feel like people would be better off without you
• Someone told you to keep a secret that makes you feel bad

That last one is worth knowing about: secrets that make you feel bad in your tummy are not secrets you have to keep. It doesn't matter who told you to keep it, or what they said would happen. Tell a grown-up you trust.

And if you've had the thought about hurting yourself — please tell someone today. Not because you're in trouble. You're absolutely not. But because that thought is really heavy, and nobody should be carrying it on their own.

One last thing

Asking for help isn't weak. It's honestly one of the hardest things people ever do, and most adults are still bad at it.

If you do it, you'll have done something genuinely brave — and you'll probably find out that it was less scary than the not-telling was.

You can do this. Even badly. Badly is completely fine.